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well... - Mankind

Oct. 27th, 2005 07:58 pm well...

what does it mean to be in love?
is it the feeling that something's missing when she's gone?
or the insanity in my head when she's around?
what about the dreams where she says nothing and all i see is her face?
when she holds me i listen to her breath and her heartbeat and wish
i could do it all day
i hate this feeling
i'm just begging for pain
i don't deserve her and she doesn't deserve me
why is this happening? when will i be free of
her eyes and her addictive smile?
i know it's going to be awhile
i want to tell her i can't be around her, but
then i'd have to say why
she knows how i feel, she just doesn't know how much
for my own sake i should tell her and be free of this ache,
and this fog in my head
that way i could move forward
with or without her
either way is better than not moving at all
ANYTHING is better than this mental rock wall
this emotional standstill WILL KILL me if i run
i have to be strong and do what needs to be done
i'm afraid to lose her because sometimes she needs me
i can't abandon her but i can't keep on lying
and hiding my real face which is
falling off anyway
she's bound to find out one day so
why not today?

Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
Current Music: some live jazz at the museum

2 comments - Leave a commentPrevious Entry Share Next Entry


Date:October 28th, 2005 06:12 am (UTC)
hey, i havent read from you since ages!
the entry dosnt sound to cheerful thou.
why arent we in touch anymore?

Date:October 28th, 2005 09:30 pm (UTC)

hey junksista!

i haven't had internet for awhile, but i just started working at an art museum where i can get online anytime so... how have u been? i see you're still with your girlfriend. i'm sooo happy for u! i forgot your email address but here's mine if u wanna chat! sheranvali@netscape.net