am i crazy or what? yesterday i tried to print out the entry i wrote but i ended up printing out my ENTIRE journal! i was at work and i'm glad i got to the printer before anyone else did or i might be in some trouble... the last thing i need is for some 80 year old to read about my drug binges and sexual escapades. anyway, i'm hanging out with 'the girl' tonite and i'm nervous. i'm afraid to drink bc i might say or do something i shouldn't. i'm afraid to not drink bc i might stay in this foul mood. i don't know why i'm so fucked up about this. we were dating not so long ago and then we kinda cheated on each other and now we're closer than before but without the intimacy. last week she pulled me on top of her and just held me and played in my hair. i didnt know if i should kiss her or what so i just held her and we stayed like that for the rest of the night. i know it sounds like she still wants me but sometimes she says things like "i love being single!" and i think i should leave her alone. but maybe being alone is her problem. maybe she just needs to be comforted. i dunno. one time she said i was the best thing in her life. is that a good thing or a bad one? who knows if she meant it but i didnt make her say that and i certainly didnt say it back even tho it's true. any-fucking-way~~~~~~~~~~~~ i've been playing my guitar alot more since i moved. i live in a school building for artist/photographers/musicians. i like it, but everything's kind of fucked up there. 'the girl' lives there along with her ex-boyfriend and his other ex-girlfriend who used to live with 'the girl' and yadda yadda. it's a fucking mess but it's where i need to be for now. if i could fix my money situation and stop drinking so damn much i might be alright. i gotta go. wish me luck tonite. i have a feeling i'm gonna need it.